Why Rest Can Feel Harder Than Work
Why stopping can feel tiring, even when it is exactly what we need.
A couple of weeks ago I took a few days off work. I wanted to let my mind and body rest, spend time with family, and enjoy local cafés and restaurants. But I also visited a dentist, got a blood test done, picked up a prescription, caught up on some reading, listened to a new audiobook, and completed a few other tasks. I also found myself spending more time on my phone - scrolling, browsing, and filling the gaps with mindless activity.
What started as a break and recovery became a surprisingly busy few days. I remember saying to one of my family members, “It was a great time, but I’m so tired. I’m back at work tomorrow, so I should be able to rest soon.” It sounds ridiculous at first - needing rest from a holiday, and looking forward to work as recovery. But I don’t think it’s that unusual.
I was recently visiting a friend who’d been having a lovely half-term with her children. But when she summed up the last few days, she said something similar: “I’m so tired, but it’s okay, I’m going back to work in a couple of days. I can’t wait for the peace and quiet.”
The more I think about this paradox, the more interesting it becomes.
Was I tired because I was too busy on my holiday, or was I simply tired of change? Is it possible that making a conscious choice to rest and avoid stimulation, is sometimes more tiring than just letting myself go? We often think of rest as the opposite of work. But in reality, what tires us out isn’t always work itself. Sometimes it’s change, decision-making, social intensity, unpredictability, or the loss of routine.
In my case, the holiday wasn’t tiring because it was negative. It was mostly filled with positive experiences and quite a lot of unfilled time. But it also involved a sudden change in routine - different activities, different people, different meal times, different sleep patterns, different decisions, different expectations. Even enjoyable change still asks something of the nervous system. It creates mental load and can affect the internal body clock. The body loses track of when to be hungry, when to be sleepy, and when to be energetic. Mind and body may simply be working much harder to keep up.
Usual daily routine is often very predictable. Even if it isn’t always filled with the most exciting activities, it can still feel safe. Work can be demanding, but it’s structured. It’s scheduled. You know where you’re meant to be and what you’re meant to be doing. There’s relief in that. Knowing what’s going to happen next gives us a sense of control.
Being in a new environment isn’t always like that. It might not create obvious anxiety or discomfort, but uncertainty is still usually more taxing than certainty. So even a good trip, a good holiday, or a good few days off can leave a person surprisingly mentally tired.
Another factor to consider is stimulation. Daily routine usually involves a certain level of stimulation depending on the person and the nature of their work. In my case, seeing clients who are struggling with mental health difficulties involves emotional engagement, attention, decision-making, and other forms of mental stimulation. Replacing that with a relaxing walk, a catch-up with a friend, or time with family may sound restful, but it doesn’t always meet the same need for structure, pace, or engagement my mind is used to.
That raises a bigger question: what is rest and what is work? What is activity and what is recovery? Are some activities only for recovery purposes and others purely productive? Or is it possible that many activities play both roles depending on the person, the circumstances, and the context?
Work can be tiring, but it can also be extremely rewarding. It can drain your energy, but it can also build it. It can exhaust you, but it can also give you structure, momentum, meaning, and a sense of direction. Similarly, taking a break can challenge you, but it can also help you recover. The same activity may feel restorative in one situation and draining in another.
The kind of activity that counts as rest probably depends partly on what’s being counted as work. A person working physically may need less physical activity in order to recover. A job requiring a lot of mental stimulation may call for quieter, more mindful activities that reduce mental load. But this is much harder to achieve than it sounds.
A person who’s used to being physically active may start feeling agitated after a few hours of resting, almost itching to do something. Choosing another physical activity might mean their muscles and joints don’t get the break they need to recover. Someone whose work is mentally stimulating may struggle to allow quiet time because boredom starts to emerge within minutes. Choosing silence or lower stimulation often takes effort. Reaching for a phone takes almost none. It gives the brain instant access to the very thing the person may need a break from. Putting it down is much harder, because the unfilled space itself feels uncomfortable.
What we call rest isn’t always especially restorative. We often “treat ourselves” with short-term relief - watching Netflix, scrolling, browsing, snacking, drinking, lying down. But are these things always restful? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Sometimes they help. Sometimes they leave us more tired, more scattered, or less restored than before.
And if not those things, then what? The usual healthy advice often sounds sensible enough - go for a walk, do some breathwork, spend time in the garden, read, stretch. But in many cases these healthier ways of resting can also start to feel like another task on the to-do list. Once rest becomes another thing to do properly, optimise, or get right, it can stop feeling like rest at all.
Human beings are complex. The more I learn about how we function, the more subjective these ideas seem. Each person has their own internal hierarchy of needs and goals. What feels enjoyable and peaceful for one person can feel tiring and frustrating for another. There probably isn’t a universal answer to how best to rest.
What does seem true for many of us is that the ways we often rest aren’t always ideal. At the same time, I’m not convinced there’s a clean line between the right and wrong way to do it. Sometimes short-term relief may be exactly what’s needed. Other times, the healthier option may genuinely restore us more. And sometimes the thing that feels tiring in the moment may still be the kind of rest we needed.
I don’t think I’ve found a full answer to this conundrum. But a few things do seem clear. Rest is more subjective than we often assume. It isn’t simply the absence of work. Sometimes it requires effort. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable. Sometimes it can even feel strangely tiring. But tiredness doesn’t necessarily mean the rest wasn’t restful.
Thanks for stopping by. This is the first longer piece I’ve shared here. If you’d like to read more reflections like this, you’re very welcome to subscribe below.